Professor Bradford was abandoned by his parents on an uncharted island when he was 6 months old. (If you know Professor Bradford, you can understand why his parents did this.) He was raised by a den of wild turtles until he was 14 years old. Removed from the island by a kind sea captain (We're not sure what kind), Professor Bradford spent the next four years of his life wandering the world searching for the perfect enchilada. At the age of eighteen, Professor Bradford received an honorary high school diploma from the Lloyd V. Berkner Drive-in Restaurant, Auto Repair, and High School in Richardson, Texas. His high school principal had the following kind words upon Professor Bradford's graduation: "If you ever come back here, we'll get a restraining order."